Behind one’s sweet smile and cheerful jokes is NOT always a happy story.

My life is full of competitions, I could say. I have to meet a lot of expectation, that I barely have time to enjoy life to its fullest. You might see me smiling, laughing and acting like everything’s fine with me, but behind that cheerful charade hides a girl who’s totally exhausted from all the battles she’d fought. I’m really tired. But I don’t think I have the confidence to shout it out. I’m too far to quit. Something inside me tells me that I should go on.

I’ve been trying to prove my worth to everyone, but above all, to myself. I ought to convince myself that I can still do more, that I can reach my dreams, that I am worthy of their attention, and that I am not a LOSER. In most of my battles, it always turned out that I’m always the second in line. I ranked second in the class. I’m always the second in most of the things I do. I want to be more than the second. That might sound kinda selfish and ambitious, but I think motivating yourself is better than expecting someone to do it for you. After all, it’s free to dream.

Yes, I am a second rate. Always the second. Never the best for them. But at least, I am trying hard.

I’m a second rate trying hard but not a copy cat.